


How Your Garden Grows

by ZealouslyMinki



Category: Kpop - Fandom, SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Complete, M/M, unrecruited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 14:03:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12037425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZealouslyMinki/pseuds/ZealouslyMinki
Summary: Seungcheol is living, breathing and loving while Junghan is dying next to him.





	How Your Garden Grows

**Author's Note:**

> There is a bit of self harm in this but not enough to really warrant a tag, just a heads up for you guys! Enjoy!

_How Does Your Garden Grow?_

  
The weather was starting to cool, it only made sense that he wore sweaters everywhere he went now. There was always that niggling in the back of his head, a clock ticking down in warning. As he gazed across the street at Seungcheol linking arms with another boy,( was it Jihoon this time?), he found it just harder to ignore that voice. There was a twinge in his side, a prick as he felt the pain climb and he knew he couldn’t stay to watch any longer.

  
Walking away, he felt the familiar trickle of warmth down his side and against the fabric of his clothing. Junghan knew better now than to wear clothes he cared about. Drawing the fabric closer to him, he made his way into the subway to make it back to his apartment. A half hour later, he grabbed his miniature sheers out of his rose bush before heading inside the house.

  
The awaited text came days later, the familiar one that had his heart twinging and the pain sprouting all over again.

  
_‘Junghan’_ , Seungcheol was never formal with his text messages anymore, _‘I think he’s the one.’_

  
_‘Didn’t you say the same with Doyoon? Minki too? You’re moving too fast again.’_ There was a hollow pain in his chest, the faint questioning of _Why not me?_ The thought passed though, he knew well enough by now that Seungcheol would never love him like that. He had tried, oh how he had tried to win Seungcheol’s affection but he never had Seungcheol look at him like he’d looked at others. Friendship was all Seungcheol could offer, and Junghan was willing to accept all that he could. Even if that meant pain every step of the way.

  
_‘This time is different, I can just feel it. You’ll see!’_

  
_‘I believe you.’_ Junghan always did, and was there to pick up the pieces when they were wrong.

  
_My Answer Was Laughter_

  
“You’ve been skipping classes, are you not well?”

  
The question startled him, he wasn’t used to people taking notice of when he was missing class. It was college after all, most people didn’t care. He did mind when Jisoo questioned him in the middle of the hallway, however. “Jisoo, not now.”

  
“Junghan, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Are you hurting?” Jisoo had placed himself in the way, blocking his path to his Chemistry class. There was a familiar, black bob of hair that cut into view and Junghan wished the ground would just swallow him whole.

  
“Junghan? You’re sick?” Seungcheol cocked his head to the side, Jihoon tucked under his arm with that pretty blonde hair that Seungcheol had grown so fond of. Junghan remembered bleaching his own hair to try and win Seungcheol’s attention. Shaking his head and nudging Jisoo out of the way, he adjusted the grip on his bag. “I’m fine, just getting a chill. I’ll see you guys later.”

  
Little did he know that Jisoo saw the blood drops that he left behind as he hurried down the hallway, he always did.

  
_Soft, As I Lowered My Head_

  
_‘I’m going to have to cancel our movie night’_

It was the third time in a row that Seungcheol had bailed on their movie nights. It happened every time Seungcheol met someone new. That didn’t make the feeling any easier. He had taken to wearing two sweatshirts now, it was just so hard to stay warm.

  
_‘It’s okay, I’m not feeling well anyways.’_

  
_‘Yah, you told me you could take care of yourself. I’ll call Jisoo and have him go over to help you.’_

  
_‘Cheollie, its fine. I’m going to just take a warm shower and go to bed. Have fun with Jihoon.’_

  
Their texting ended there for the night, and Junghan grabbed his flower cutters as he headed into the bathroom. He laid the tool down on his sink and hesitantly pulled off the first sweatshirt. The second sweatshirt was harder to get off, but how pale he was now was even harder to ignore. He had wrapped most of his stomach and hips, but binding his leg was even harder to do without having a limp. Grabbing the cutters again, he carefully lined them up against the source of all his anguish, a painfully swollen bloom sprouting just above his hip bone. It was looped to a vine that had been weaving its way in and out of his skin for years, starting from the sole of his foot and working its way up. The cause? Choi Seungcheol, his soulmate, not loving him. It was known to happen, soulmate rejection was not horridly uncommon. That made the pain of those left behind all that much worse, as Junghan had been discovering for so long. He wondered, briefly, as he lined his clippers up and snipped off a bloody bloom if Seungcheol even knew they were meant to be a perfect match. Sitting down on the toilet lid so he could work on clipping his painful legs, he couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like to be in Jihoon’s shoes. Being the object of Seungcheol’s affection was all he really wanted.

  
_Oh Mary, How Does Your Garden Grow?_

  
“Junghan you can’t keep doing this! Please, look at yourself!” Taking Jisoo’s scolding had never been an easy thing, but now he was just so tired. He had seen it, in a dream, how happy he could be if only the flowers left his skin. Jisoo had done his research, done anything he could without pulling Junghan to the hospital to get his condition looked at. The blooms, the horridly painful parasitic flowers that lurked under his skin were eating away at him now. He was losing weight so fast, and with every clipping he did the flowers just grew back with a vengeance.

  
“What can they do Joshua? There is no surgery to fix this, the flowers aren’t in my stomach to do the surgery on!” Tears were building up behind his eyes as he looked up to stop the tears. He was so tired, he wanted to sleep so badly. He had stopped attending class earlier that week, what was the point of going anymore?

  
“You can’t tell me that you want this, you’re wasting away. Please, won’t you try something? What if they did the surgery anyways? Maybe the feelings would go away-“, Jisoo gave a pause then, realizing what he was asking. For Junghan to stop feeling everything for his soulmate.

  
“I can’t do that Jisoo, I can’t. The feelings, the fondness for him is all I’ll get.” There were tears slipping down his cheeks now, and they said nothing as Joshua pulled his best friend into a tight hug. The thoughts lingered between the both of them, why couldn’t it be you instead?

  
_Stay With Me, I Can’t See Anywhere We Could Go_

  
The piano keys were cold under his fingers, but he loved how wonderful the music made him feel. It was soft, the music an angst yet sweet sound in his ears as he worked the keys. It happened then, a pained cry coming from his lips as he felt the thorns push through his fingers. With a pained wheeze, he forced himself to look at his now bloody hands. There, mocking him for all he had, were blood soaked rose buds. Their thorns both protruding and hiding under his skin. There was a sob building up, he could feel it in his chest as his hands shook. He could forego playing the piano, the pain would be too much. Grabbing his book bag and almost dropping it from the pain, he carefully unzipped his big pocket to pull out his flower cutters. The room was silent aside from his sobs as he carefully cut, pulled and mangled his once beautiful hands in a pointless attempt to rid himself of the flowers. Everyone suffering from the range of illnesses of flowers knew what roses meant was near, and if he could just push it back a little longer then maybe, just maybe he could try one last time to get Seungcheol to love him.

  
_Their Answer Was Laughter, As Darkness Swallowed Them Up_

  
He made an effort to look as nice as he could, but it was hard when his fingers were throbbing with every twitch. He pulled through though, wrapped the blooms up as tightly as he could in hopes they would suffocate. He wanted to straighten his hair but he could hardly hold the brush to just get out the tangles. It ended up in a messy bun, a feat he hadn’t even known he could pull off with the bandages compressing his wounds. He was sporting his favorite yellow sweater with a long sleeved shirt on under it. He didn’t want to ruin his favorite sweater after all, blood didn’t come out of light colors. The leggings went on easier after he was already wrapped up, skinny jeans just weren’t happening. Sliding his wallet into his pant hem, he pulled on his shoes and was out the door. He’d asked Seungcheol to meet them at their favorite coffee shop, he wanted to go walking with him originally but he was so sore and tired that it wouldn’t have been a good idea. The thorns were practically wiggling under his skin by the time he sat at a table to wait, but he was determined to make it through the pain. He could do this.

  
At least, he thought he could. Seungcheol was known for being late, but after a good twenty minutes Junghan found himself caving in and sending Seungcheol a message.

  
_‘Did you forget about today?_ ’' He honestly didn’t even care if somehow Seungcheol got the angry vibes through his phone, did he really mean so little to Seungcheol? His phone rang soon after, the caller ID reading _‘Seungcheollie~’_. Sucking in a breath to just prepare himself, he clicked the screen to answer.  
“Junghan- Fuck I’m so sorry, I was with Jihoon and I forgot. Could we reschedule? I’m so sorry, I’ll make it up to you I swear!” Seungcheol’s voice was panicked but rough, almost like he’d been pulled out of doing something-

  
Shaking his head sadly, he whispered out a soft ‘It’s fine’ before hanging up. He wanted to be mad, to scream about how he should be worth Seungcheol’s time. They were soulmates, how did Seungcheol not see that? Junghan had first seen Seungcheol’s name written in gold along his skin when he was young, and now that he knew how close yet so far from his happy ever after he was he just wanted to cry. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and rushed out of the shop, his sobs choking in his throat as pain shot through his chest. Home, he just needed to get home-

  
_I’m Sorry, This Flowers Already Dead_

  
It was days before Seungcheol showed up to Junghan’s apartment to apologize. He’d come prepared with Junghan’s favorite movie and snacks, he was going to make this right. Using his spare key, he let himself inside the apartment only to be greeted by a horrible wheezing sound. “Junghan?”

  
He set his handful down on the coffee table in the living room and rushed to follow the sound, only to discover Junghan crumpled next to his bed on the cold floor. He dropped to his knees and pulled Junghan into his lap, quickly trying to pull back Junghan’s shaking hands to see what he was choking on. It was then that he saw it, the flowers that had grown up Junghan’s throat. He had never seen any flower type illness up close before, but the blood encrusted roses were enough to tell him that this was Junghan’s last run. He ran his fingers through his best friend’s hair as his breathing came faster and harsher sounding. “What can I do Junghan? Oh god, I- I can call someone! Let me-“  
He quickly pulled out his phone and dialed 119, but as the operator picked up the phone he watched as Junghan’s eyes grew heavy. He was doing his best to keep watching Seungcheol, but the amount of flowers growing up his throat and in his lungs were just so heavy that he simply couldn’t breathe. By the time Seungcheol finished the call, he was aware of how quiet Junghan had gotten and that his eyes were shut. “Junghan, Junghan please! Don’t do this, please. . .”

  
_~*~_

  
Seungcheol had never imagined seeing Junghan so lifeless in front of him. It was an awful thing for him to relive over and over, all the signs that Junghan had given to him over the years that he had missed were rushing through him. Even the name on his arm that had once been in gold was now in red. He hadn’t thought he’d deserved someone as nice as Junghan, and here he had killed him in denying their bond. Jisoo had every right to be angry, “He wanted you, you know? So badly, there was nothing I could do to talk him out of it. I tried to find someone to do the surgery on, to try medications but he wanted just that little piece of you that he could get. Even if that meant agony.”  
Seungcheol didn’t know how to handle those words, but it was even harder when Joshua placed a seed in his hands. “They did an autopsy, found this inside his lungs. They say if you plant it, then maybe. . . Maybe one day we can see him again. I don’t know what entirely that means, but you better fucking plant it. You owe it to him now.”

  
With that, Jisoo spun around on his heels and walked away. Seungcheol glanced down at the seed, before he headed home. Pulling out his phone, he began looking up seeds that people had found inside members who had Hanahaki disease or people who suffered from similar diseases. Junghan hadn’t had the Hanahaki disease, but one where the flowers had still drained him until he’d died. It was there that he discovered the Lotus seed. He looked down at the seed and whispered softly, “I’ll plant you and give you a new beginning, I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration taken from this the Hanahaki disease and this Undertale song, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9w472VEqvk&index=1&list=PLSZJPpI5Lcqh4HkBMD1z2aiKVtGikLvt9  
> Its really beautiful! I'd also 10/10 recommend Flowerfell as a good read too!


End file.
